I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Randomize
