you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
