well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
