So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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