Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize