were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Randomize
