She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Bang-toberfest begins!!
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
