creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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