Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
