fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Randomize
