forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
