Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Randomize
