You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Randomize
