the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
