i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Randomize
