there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
