just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
