the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
