I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
We left the knife in your bed.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
