Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Drunk walkin through police station. America
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
that is very illegal...i love you.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
