if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
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