Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
