This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Randomize
