11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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