Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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