You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
