I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
