I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
