i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
