i don't like sucking hair
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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