i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Randomize