I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
My cat gives me a boner
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
