Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
