i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize