I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
Even the bartender felt bad for me
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
