i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
