Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
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