If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Randomize
