You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
