Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
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