Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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