it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
