Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
