she looked like the before picture.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
