he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
