I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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