You're so nebulous sometimes
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Randomize
