i would punch a child for taco bell
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
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