Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
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