I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Randomize
