Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
