Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I got inside last night via doggy door
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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