Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
We have so much sex to catch up on
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
