Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I intend to get homeless drunk
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
