So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
