So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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