we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
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