you traded sex for a burrito?
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
