if i can run in heels then i can drive
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
