I think i sorta joined a cult last night
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
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