you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
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